Virgil, a sander sides story
by Oliver279
Summary: triggers include self harm, eating disorders, strong language and panic attacks. Virgil is going though somethings that he can't control so he turns to harmful behaviors.
1. Chapter 1

Vigils pov

After a long sander side video I sunk into the kitchen the other sides were already there discussing the latest video. I tried to get to my room before the other sides saw me but they did and Patton gesture for the me to join them. "Do i have to" I said in a sluggest tone so they wouldn't hear the amount of anxiety i was feeling. "Yes virgil, we need to talk about how the video went." Logan stated. "It went well" then I sunk down to my room. I could hear roman yell after me but I just ignored it.

" **Your so stupid they all hate you."** He could feel his anxiety filling in his stomach."n-no they dont d-do they?" " **they do now grab that knife and cut yourself"** "but they are go-going to hate me more." tears where forming in the corner my eyes, my head started pounding and I grabbed my pocket knife and took off my jacket to reveal hundreds of old and new scars and some cuts that were still open. Letting my mind sink into such dark places I blacked out and woke up to my bedding covered in blood and about a hundred new cuts littered on my arms. " **They're going to find out and hate you even more."**

I got up and got in the shower, the water stung my arms but I didn't care I was still numb from the night before. Once I got out and put on a clean outfit and makeup. I walked down that stairs and saw Patton cooking pancakes, Logan was reading a book, and Roman was probably still in his room doing his makeup. "Hey virge I was about to call for you I made pancakes" " **Patton wasn't going to call you he only said that to seem nice he thinks you are a nuisance."** "no thanks, Patton i'm not hungry" I could feel my stomach rumbling but I didn't want to be a nuisance.

I hadn't eaten anything in a few days and I could feel myself getting more shaky then normal. "Virgil are you okay you seem off" Logan said in such a tone i couldn't tell if he cared or not. "I'm fin-ne" " **stupid stupid why did you fucking studer now he knows you just lied to him"** both Patton and Logan looked at me considered, which make me shake even more. Before anything else could be said I sunk out to my room.

I could feel a panic attack coming on, I sat in the darkest part of my room and curled up into a tiny ball. My breathing speed up but i was like my body couldn't get any air into my lungs, my brain began to fog up and my thoughts took over. This lead me into a spiral downwards causing my panic attack to get worst. Tears were streaming down my face and i had no control, i tried to keep my sobs quite so the others wouldn't hear me. But I heard a knock, fuck it was Roman i forgot he wasn't down stairs yet. Everything sounded like it was underwater all i heard was "virge.. You okay… i'm coming in". The next second i felt arms around me, it caused me to tense up but slowly calm down. "Breath with me come on, in and out in and out." Roman repeated that until i was aware of what happened and started to freak out but was too weak to get out of his arms. I was stuck there till i passed out.

I slowly woke up i my bed with new covers and my old ones thrown in the trash. I turned around to see Roman sitting on a chair next to my bed looking worried and having a lot of eyeshadow on. I yelped causing him to look up. "Why are you in here you need to get out you are getting corrupted"."I needed to make sure you were okay."He said looking so sad and desperate. "Roman get out of here now" my voice seemed to eco. "I-I won't leave until you tell me wh-what's wrong". I grab his wrist and we sunk to the living room together, Patton and Logan were sitting there anxiously waiting for Roman and Virgil to come down.

"Kiddo are okay we all saw you having a panic attack" Patton sounded like he cared. " **He doesn't care no one cares about you they want you gone"**. "I'm fine it was nothing" my head started to spin did they see my cuts? Did i say something? Why am i so stupid? What are they going to do? -gil? VIRGIL? Roman calling my name took me out of my spiraling thoughts. "Um what sorry'. I didn't even realize that my legs gave out and i was on the floor leaning on Roman. "Kiddo you aren't okay so don't lie to us. What's going on?" i tried sunking out but forgot i was on Roman's lap. Instead of ending up in my room we went to Thomas' living room.

Thomas was sitting on the couch watching parks and rec for the 10th time. "Um… Virgil… Roman… what is going on?" i was still on Roman's lap, we both got on our feet. Thomas had the most confused face, Logan and Patton appeared a few moments later. "Please someone explain what is going on here." They all looked at me "nope" then i sunk out.

I ran up to my room and locked the door, without him saying anything i grab my knife and when into the restroom. I needed a place where i could wash away the blood afterwards. My mind raced with a million thoughts i just needed to calm down. So i put the knife to my skin and made cut after cut after cut. I heard Patton knock on the door and with the last bit of energy i yelled "LEAVE ME ALONE". I could hear him weeping and my mind when into a dark hole I had no will power to get out of. I got into the shower for the second time that day washed all the blood off my arms and legs. I wouldn't care if they got infected but if i died it would also end up killing Thomas and the other sides.

I got out of the shower and just put boxers on not caring about anything else and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Roman pov

"I'm worried about Virg…" I was cut off when Patton came running down the stairs crying. "Patton what's wrong?" he ran into my arms and I just hugged him as Logan grab a glass of water for the father side. After a minute he calmed down enough to tell us what had just happened upstairs. I got so mad and was about to storm upstairs to give Virgil a piece of my mind when logical trait grabs a hold of my wrist and pulled me back into my set. "I think it would be better if we waited till morning to talk to him, we've all had a long day and you both are too emotional right now". I sighed reluctantly agreeing with Logan's statement.

I was the first one up the next morning so I walked over the emo nightmare's room. I tried to twist the doorknob, but it was locked. I quickly went back to my room to get my locking picking set i had conjured a while back because the others kept forgetting to unlock the bathroom door that they shared. I made quick work of that lock. I didn't want to look like a creep spying on Virgil in his room I just wanted to make sure he was okay. Plus, he looked so peaceful and relaxed in his sleep. He never looked that was in his waking hours.

I open the door quietly ,I could see him in bed on his side in only boxers. He was saying something in his sleep but I couldn't understand it from all the way over here. My curiosity got the better of me and I when closer, I never noticed how skinny he was, his oversized clothing hid that from us. He looked like a skeleton so fragile and small, I got close enough to hear him repeating "they hate me I'm so stupid and fat and I can never be loved" his breath was fast and sounded like he was about to have a panic attack. I reached my arm out to wake the poor anxious side when my eyes drifted downwards. I was frozen lost in thought of what I had just seen, my eyes began to water. When I hear Logan whisper in the doorway "what are you doing Roman". I was brought back into the real world and ran out of the room crying.

Logan closed the door and followed after me." Roman come back what's wrong?" I ran into my room and hid under my covers. "Roman if you don't talk to me I'm going to get Patton". A minute later Patton was at my side trying to calm me down. But I couldn't focus on him I couldn't get the picture of Virgil out of my head. How could someone do that to themselves? How long has this been going out? What made him do it? What am I supposed to do?

"Vir-virgil has been cutting himself" I say as my voice cracking from crying. We all sat there for a minute in complete silence. I finally got up and walked back to the youngest side's room my legs weak scared for what I'm going to see. I didn't want to do it, but I grabs Virgil's wrist and sank into the real world. The others followed me.


	3. Chapter 3

Virgil's pov

I woke up crashing on top of Roman for the second time in as many days. "WHAT THE FUCK". I then realized I was only in my boxers and tried to hide but Roman had a death grip on me. " **You're a goner now, what are you going to do wimp?** " that voice won't go away. Tears streamed down my face I couldn't hold in my sobs but what was the point anyways they had all seen it. "...ease-please le-let me go" I let out a barely audible whisper. Everything was collapsing around me, I felt as if I was having the worst panic attack of my life. I somehow ended up on the couch Roman still holding onto me so I couldn't sink out. I was only able to make out a few words out over the sound of my heart and the rapidness of my breathing. "Virgil breath with me" that voice make me feel calmer. "In for 4 seconds, hold for 7, out for 8, you're doing great keep going". My vision slowly came back and it was just me Roman on the couch.

I couldn't stop crying. Why the fuck am I so weak. I felt myself falling into another panic attack because of how exposed I felt and looked. Roman could almost read my mind and asked Logan to get a blanket for me. "Virgil, we really need to talk" Roman's voice was stern but also caring. My mouth opened and closed without a single sound coming out of it. He probably can't talk yet; most likely the severity of the anxiety attack has his brain fried. What you did Roman was stupid and ineffective in helping Virgil overcoming his... umm... Issues".

"kiddo I'm going to get you a set of clothes, can I go into your room". I just nodded my head not really hearing what Patton said because I was so tired and Romans body was so nice to lay on.


End file.
